If you find yourself in court
After being caught
Committing a serious crime
And don’t want to do time,

Or if your goal
Is to keep burning coal
Or to argue that injections
Are the cause of infections,

What you require
Is a liar for hire.

He’ll be a top QC
With an enormous fee
You’ll have to pay a lot
Maybe more than you’ve got

But he’ll keep a straight face
While arguing your case
Whether it’s false or true
He’ll argue for you.

And if the going gets tough
You haven’t paid enough
You’ll have to pay some more
Or he’ll show you the door.